Short but sweet

Feb. 1, 2008

It's funny, when I first got to Colombia I was completely homesick and lonely. I don't think I have ever had to deal with true solitude and independence. A few months after being here I wanted to make my way back…..


Now I can't even think of leaving Colombia, my beautiful, chaotic country. I love everything about it, the people (my family), the culture, the chaos, the landscapes, mountains, and the smell. I even love the sights of those who suffer because it only cause my compassion and my heart to grow, which lights the fire beneath me even more.


Being in Colombia, I have found strength and independence I never knew I could have. I find more understand to life, my life and I face things that I have always feared facing. I meet with ignorance everyday and I'm grateful that I know the things I do. Sometimes I want to speak up and defend issues but then I realize maybe it's my ignorance judging this person's idea. I have learned the difference of perspective in such a way that it's become a normality of my everyday life and that's pretty freakin' cool.


I used to want to go to Africa, to live and work there. Help the people who can't defend themselves, and don't get me wrong…I still very much do. The strength of the survivors there hold a special place in my heart, but I now cry for Colombia.


A few weeks ago, a Colombian channel was giving a documentary on Colombia in the past 25 years…I was engulfed by the images and the things that happened. Then I realized wow, there's so much I don't know and I should. This is my country, I was taken away at such a crucial time in Colombia that I begin to wonder if leaving the violence was part of the reason of my family leaving Colombia.


I feel bad. I really do, I feel bad that I'm so behind on my Colombian history knowledge. It's funny the things we learn at schools…so different all over the world. What I learned in the states is so much different than what they learn here, and that amazes me. I love that!


I met someone down here that changed my life. He made me realize a lot of things about life and about myself. How afraid I have been in my life to move forward and I find myself making excuses not to continue. I try to prepare myself for each step I take and then he told me I shouldn't do that, I can't prepare for life. He's right. So here I am working my ass off, like I should have done and should do. He's become one of those friends that I will never forget, funny how people walk in and out of my life.


I have been here for almost a year!! I can't believe that. Crazy how time goes by and how things change. Change…like Kaylie says she only like it at workJ ha!


All in all, I'm happy. I am very happy in Colombia. I have a sense of independence, strength, happiness and peace of my own here. I must say it didn't come easy but through experiences and situations that allowed me to react unnatural and then learning from those.